June 11, 2011

Far Too Deep

It's like this, you go looking for something and end up finding something else. I've learnt to stop being blind, I've learnt to question my faith, I've learnt to argue and fight. I've learnt a whole lot of things. I've also learnt to wait.

They say you grow up, and become the person you were supposed to be. I never wanted to grow up, and I wasn't sure I liked the person I've become. I used to be foolish, silly, highly uncynical and just happy with my life. Now that I've passed through the bylanes of cynicism, I find myself lost. I no longer trust people because I read the smile in their eyes. And even as I find myself lost, I know I'm enjoying this journey. I've learnt I cannot stay here forever. This isn't home. I have too much of happiness in me to stay a cynic.

Becoming a cynic was easy. Returning to innocence is proving hard enough. And somehow, I mean to enjoy the journey, every bit of it. I'm the prodigal daughter, and happiness just keeps calling, keeps waiting for me to return.

Hafiz again:

"There are different wells within your heart.
Some fill with each good rain,
Others are far too deep for that.

In one well
You have just a few precious cups of water,
That "love" is literally something of yourself,
It can grow as slow as a diamond
If it is lost.

Your love
Should never be offered to the mouth of a
Only to someone
Who has the valor and daring
To cut pieces of their soul off with a knife
Then weave them into a blanket
To protect you.

There are different wells within us.
Some fill with each good rain,
Others are far, far too deep
For that."

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