December 25, 2010


Maybe it's intuition. Or senility.

Women are supposed to have strong intuitive powers. I haven't really put mine to test yet. Mainly coz i'm lazy. Also because i find it hard to differentiate between the intuition and imagination lobes inside my brain.

So, have you ever had this feeling? That all your life was just a purpose towards one goal? Like you're the train from Speed? Like you're just speeding towards that point? A culmination of sorts.

So, i used the train analogy again! What's with me and trains! It's just that the feeling's getting stronger by the moment. It's reached feverpitch. It was always there at the back, i knew i was slowly moving towards that destiny...but now i know that i'm there. I hope i know what i'm looking for.

Maybe it's just 2012 messing with my brain. But the silly thing is, i didn't know about 2012 way back in 1998.
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December 18, 2010

Have you ever thought, how it would be without restraint?

If we didn't have to measure anger and love and hatred and care and laughter in tablespoons?

Guess it would be bad, for the world, but atleast you wouldn't feel bottled up and unnatural.
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December 11, 2010

Dark and Light Interspersed

So, there was this girl who had stopped believing. She'd simply lost faith in everything. She had once been a believer. She had believed in things others couldn't see. She'd felt it deeper than most. And so, when life snuck up on her and pulled the satin carpet from under her feet, she fell. With no desire to rise again.

So one day, she saw, this adamant prince, who kept fighting happiness. And love. And she screamed, 'He's such a fool. So like me.' And then she realised, he was like her, except for the fact that with every blow life dealt him, his heart had grown harder, and had finally turned to stone. And that moment she realized why they both were alike. The darkness in his heart plagued him so much that he found it impossible to forgive himself. That, was his curse. She cried for him, and she cried for herself. She found out that deep inside her, she still believed. And so began her redemption.

Her story doesn't end here. On the way, she met another character, a princess. A poor princess. Now this princess was everything our adamant hero wasn't. She was a woman who believed in goodness, with every fibre of her being. She wasn't strong. In fact you could call her a coward.

But her faith was tremendous. She believed she could melt the prince's heart. She was the hope he'd lost somewhere in the deep pool of despair. She was the love he'd locked away in a hundred forgotten lifetimes. She was all the happiness, all the laughter and dreams he'd once shared with the stars. And she was back, to take his hand and lead him to life. She laughed at fate, and fought it all the way. Her optimism scared him, but she just wouldn't give up. And no matter what he did, she smiled. The poisoned darts of hatred couldn't stop her for she was immune.

Now when our girl saw this poor princess, she cried, 'Oh no no, this is exactly how i was, once upon a time.' That was when it struck her, that this was exactly how she was meant to be after all. She was meant to be kind and happy and giving. For goodness is one thing that's often underrated.

So, as the girl joined the prince of darkness and his princess of light in their journey, she discovered something amazing. They weren't two, but one. She couldn't make out where one ended and the other began. She smiled as she realized that darkness, and light were both her.
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December 2, 2010


Telefilms. All those short movies i've watched, esp Malayalam ones

Bits of music i've heard here and there...esp one bit that's been playing in my head at random/dramatic moments, the last ten years.

Old Tamil movies. Eighties through nineties. Magnificently tragic and haunting. Just the way i like it.

Padmarajan movies. Wistfulness.

Ilayaraja's music. Before Rehman, there was Ilayaraja. He still is God for some.

Tagore's poems. Won't explain. Can't.

Random lines by Rilke, Anais, Hafiz.

Some blogs. People i know, people i think i know, people i just don't know.

And yes, the story in me that hasn't yet found a voice. The very one that breaks into song when i see rainclouds, or a patch of green.
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