I say I have faith. But on a late night, while walking alone through a dark alley, I hear footsteps behind me and realize that faith is fickle. I cannot afford to believe in something as ephemeral as the goodness of mankind. As someone who’s always believed in people, I find myself crushed. There is no trust. No goodness anymore. Nothing I can hold on to as I rush towards the sun. It’s not easy, believing in something as exaggerated as a fairy tale. As incongruous as a clown at a funeral. Faith cannot survive as disjointed bits floating over a sordid sea of betrayal.
How do I bring back lost faith?
Learning my lessons
Smile at that hyperactive baby perched on his mom’s lap. All he wants from you is a reaction. It helps if you grin back, or even make faces at him.
Take time to watch birds or even furry little squirrels at play. Play with your pet dog, get that lazy mutt to move his butt and help you out too! It’d amaze you, the way these guys make you feel at peace.
Open your windows to the rain, get drenched. Let it wash away all the wounds, all the ugliness that has crippled your faith.
Dance. People I know run, exercise, and do what not. And yet, lazy me feels there’s nothing as liberating as dance. Close the door, and dance to the loud music. Or better, dance to your own music.
Just as it’s okay to cry once in a while, it’s okay to scream(at someone?) once in a while too. Emotions cannot be bottled up. Sometimes when you break the walls, you let sunshine in.
Write. A journal with your darkest thoughts(see that it doesn’t get to the FBI. We do not want another Jihad Jane!), or an anonymous blog you’ve told no one about. Let those words take shape. Let it out in the open, the darkest thoughts you’ve ever conjured. And the noble ones too.
Make the rules as you play the game (I’m with Calvin on this one). And do resign to the fact that sometimes, there are no rules(Joker, I owe you!).
Live your stories. What’s life without a little drama? When you grow old, if you have no eccentric stories to tell, you’ll be a sad old person. It’s upto you though, how much spice you want to add to your story!
Let go. The hatred and pain. The people, keep them close to your heart anyway. Someday, when you set out on another adventure, you might want to ask them along. I know my stand is foolish. But I believe that no amount of hurt or hatred can obliterate a love that was once true.
Read. It doesn’t matter if it’s a sordid mystery or a crazy book of puns. It might be wise to stick to the safe, readable stuff called literature, but sometimes even the worst book or movie teaches you stuff. Makes you laugh. All said and done, it’s what you take away from it. Nothing like books to set you free.
Find a favorite haunt. Maybe a logwood cabin by the green meadows. (I know, that’s a little too much to hope for!) Maybe a shady tree, overlooking a placid lake. Or a park bench.
Daydream. Do not listen to the ones who tell you it’s a waste of time. Because it is. The most fruitful waste of time. Oh, the kingdoms you conquer, the lands you see, the friendly dragons and the time machines. It’s fun.
Laugh. At the silliest comedies. At the absurdity of daily life. At life. At yourself. At all your little follies.
And oh, the greatest lesson, open up. There are absurdly cranky phases of emotional neediness. And also the ones in which you withdraw from the world and become a recluse. You might not handle both with equal aplomb but life’s boring without these phases. So don’t fret if you act stupid once in a while. Come to terms with it. I’m still learning this lesson.
There are lessons I’ve still not learnt though. Like that guy in Dasvidanya, maybe I need an ultimatum to stop thinking and start doing all the things on my list. The list of things to do before I die.
That's it, I'm done. This is the last of my soul searching, bare-it-all posts. Hopefully.