March 30, 2012

all along

It hauls me out of bed every morning, raps me on my head when I'm daydreaming. I let it build up. Even the waterworks don't help sometimes. Dread still clutches at my heart with its hideous, bony fingers, never quite letting loose. It makes my throat dry, and I picture terror in all its forms.

I seek escape.

I want to let this tiredness, that has been holding me down, seep out and dissolve in the ground. I open my eyes and see the trees; they have laid out a carpet of gold for me. Now I'm walking, and I feel the leaves crunch, like eggshells, underneath my feet. I've been so scared to tread on them all along. But I'm loving this feeling, walking on eggshells. This crunch is music to my ears.

The sky is a hue of crimson, and I sit still, till dusk descends and colors me blue. The blue of seas that have stories to tell, the blue of mystery and dreams, the blue of darkness. It soaks in, through numb veins and dying dreams. Darkness, with its age old charm, fills my soul like music. It hums a lullaby only I can hear. I sit still, while the world revolves around me. For a while I am Persephone, seduced by all that this darkness has to offer. I feel myself drown,
darkness slowly sucking out my soul.

And then, you overwhelm my senses. I see you through the fog, my senses heady with the fragrance of you. Darkness urges me to stay, but I yearn for the laughter, the hurt and the aching
tenderness that is us. Dark fades away, as you sift it out of me and bring me back. I don't know what
it is, but the moment your soul calls out to mine, I realize I can never drown. The light is harsh, but when I look at you through the haze, I see myself in your eyes. Too often have I run from you, scared of everything you offered. Darkness, with
promises of solitude, charmed me. I mistook it for happiness. But now I've tasted this bittersweet
emotion your love fills me with, and I know I never belonged anywhere else. Even on the
darkest of nights, I have sought you. My silent dreams have waited in yearning, for stars that were you. You, my light, my lover, have been in me all along.
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