even...

come clean with me
someday,
when your breath no longer catches
at the sight of me.

because even now,
(even years from now)
my heart misses a beat
when i find you in the crowd.

i feel the rain
it beats its fingers against my window
even as this lingering grey
seeps through me.

i wonder if, in your deep dark corners
your thoughts ever turn to me
for even when i walk away
i find myself
returning home to you.

look what it is to have
a heart full of strings
to be tugged at till you're weary
till you no longer feel the twangs.

it's hard to be tough
but it's toughest to stay naive
to be where there are so few left
to be what is essentially you.

there are things deep in my soul
i dare not confess to myself
for i do believe the sinner in me
is drunkenly aware.

even as life tries to steal it away
i find myself clinging onto naivety
as if, ironically, my very life
depended on it.

i wait for happiness and dreams
though they elude me
and i've learnt i can't settle
for anything less devastating.