And at times I'm too scared to stop breathing, scared that I won't hear my heart beat in the silence.

Dreamcatcher

She walked the empty streets, in search of dreams that weren't hers. It had been ages since she had dreamt. She liked this life, because she could be alone with her thoughts and watch lonely people dream. They didn't know how lucky they were, for they still had dreams left inside them. Dreams of sunsets and still waters and colors and joy. Dreams that sometimes terrified her. She walked the empty sea shores, the dim-lit streets, the vacant roads, and found herself hold those dreams close. She didn't know if it was a gift or a curse.

She had overslept again. She found him watching her and panicked. Until he asked, "Been dreaming again? You look so tired!"

He would never be able to appreciate the irony.For her dreamless nights were full of other people's dreams.

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when you look at me
i try hard not to fall
but all i do is
drown drown drown
in the deep dark pools
of your thoughts
some love sunshine
but i have always worshipped darkness

And i find myself waking up
in your dreams, night after night.

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Hidden

I have not loved myself like this before
I have loved mountains, and green fields
And the stars over calm seas
Today i find them all
Hidden in the secret core of my mind
Today, i know i am part selfish, part sinner
I find forgiveness deep within, and heal myself again
I have never loved myself like this before.

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roots

When i first met you
There were no impossibilities, you said
Your answer to my questions
Was a single i like you.
And with that you unknowingly
Doused years of unbelieving
And all the voices in my head grew quiet.

For love to be love
Must we always count heartbeats?
For i have been childish
And driven you up walls
For not remembering the words we shared.
But now we share heartbeats
And something so beautiful
I believe that is what they mean
When they say your love has roots.

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kutty dreams

How often have you wanted the madness to last forever? To forever be crazy and silly. Sadly, it doesn't last forever. Sooner or later, you have to grow up. For some, it is responsibility and a job. For some, marriage. And then, for some, it is having a child.

Yes, being a parent changes it all. So i've heard. And in the last month and a half, i've learnt quite some things too.

When i think of it, i realize i must give up my madness and my fantasies. Must bequeath it to him. It's his turn now. To ride the wind. Dream up stories that range from cheesy to soulful. Chase butterflies in green meadows. Explore dark woody trails.

I have to change roles, become the responsible mom. There are a hundred voices waiting to tell me i'm doing it all wrong. Of course.

I could turn out to be the worst parent ever, but i don't want to be all this. I'd rather ride the wave with him. Rather do all the things i've always hesitated to. I mean, i'm still gonna be the worrywart mom, but i want to be part of his stories, his laughter.

Being a parent really is making the decision to let your heart go walking out of your body..

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It is that all consuming feeling of first sight. Or that which grows within you as you share sunlit evenings and dreams. It is sometimes that sneaky feeling that takes you by surprise, as after months or years of having been together, something as innocuous as a song or a look makes you realize it's been in you all along.

I am made of words. Of random lines in books and songs. Of bits of music that haunt me as i lay sleepless on moonlit nights that court my windows. And so, for me, it is as elemental as poetry. I've always disagreed with people who've said poetry is rhythm and meter. For me poetry is words put together so mellifluously it holds my soul captive. I do not really have to understand it, because i feel it deep within. And like princesses of yore, i find my dragons and castles and unicorns and delight in the adventures. I don't really know why, but my heart skips a beat everytime i come across the words. The lines are forever etched in my soul, and i alone know the smiles, and tears, and dreams and trials that it evokes. As they say, the greatest poetry is born out of the deepest tremors of the soul. It is a secret fiesta, mine alone.

And that defines love, the way i feel it coursing through me.

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