How close? You really want to know? I have perpetual visions of slitting those wrists and watching the blood stain the clear water. Of watching it through a filmy haze that makes people look like actors in a badly filmed movie. The voices getting fainter and fainter as I veer comfortably closer to nothingness.
Death is overrated. As a dreamy, starry sequential tragedy, that makes heroes of mere mortals. It is in fact a phony, insignificant coward. A coward who doesn’t even have the guts to stand up to a fight. The coward has no idea how close it has been to claiming this soul. Unfortunately, the soul has given up. On life. And on its nemesis, death.
Showing posts with label death. Show all posts
Showing posts with label death. Show all posts
March 29, 2010
March 26, 2010
In an alternate universe, I will triumph. Over this sick, stale depression, that holds my faith hostage. Over the bright glare of the sun, that leaves me weak and immobile on a deserted highway. Over all the insurmountable odds that crush the underdog. I dream, but I dare not dream aloud for fear of being burnt at the stake. My failure is my salvation, the reason I exist. For they wait, ears perked up. Trying to sniff out all my thoughts and dreams. The nights are balmy and my dreams restless. I cover them up with sundry mirages of survival. It is difficult to fool them though, One whiff of it and they will pounce. And shatter every crystalline hope that I’ve built, on this cliff of dreams.
Lucidity does not become me. Yet, that is what I yearn for and work towards. Someday, I will reach there. And maybe then, I’ll be scared no longer. Of speaking my thoughts aloud. I’ll dream of everything I’ve ever wanted, in my life. Call it all to me. For a change. I am tired of running after dreams. Of pursuing them stealthily with a net, and trapping them deep within my soul. I want to set them free, watch the butterflies flutter away, in myriad colors that speak of freedom. Without worrying whether they will ever return. I want to roll on the grass, not tread softly. Watch the fireworks light up the sky with riotous abandon. I want to get drunk, drunk on life, and not sorrow. I want to trip and fall, and let the giddiness overcome me. I want to lock up all my fears, and throw them in the ocean of no-return. I want that epitaph to read, No regrets.
Lucidity does not become me. Yet, that is what I yearn for and work towards. Someday, I will reach there. And maybe then, I’ll be scared no longer. Of speaking my thoughts aloud. I’ll dream of everything I’ve ever wanted, in my life. Call it all to me. For a change. I am tired of running after dreams. Of pursuing them stealthily with a net, and trapping them deep within my soul. I want to set them free, watch the butterflies flutter away, in myriad colors that speak of freedom. Without worrying whether they will ever return. I want to roll on the grass, not tread softly. Watch the fireworks light up the sky with riotous abandon. I want to get drunk, drunk on life, and not sorrow. I want to trip and fall, and let the giddiness overcome me. I want to lock up all my fears, and throw them in the ocean of no-return. I want that epitaph to read, No regrets.
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